If I Only Had Some Legs! - My Quick Review of Mary Bronstein's IF I HAD LEGS I'D KICK YOU

When one claims to be a film buff like me, you are prone to be more accepting of certain films than the general public. I get a great deal of excitement in a film that can elicit a true stark reaction out of me, and there can be nothing more thrilling than a film that challenges you even if in the end, you may admire it more than you actually love it...and odds are you'll never watch it again.

While not something I would even consider putting on the level of a film like Come & See, it is hard for me to think of many films in recent years that left me feeling as stressed or as tense as If I Had Legs did. 

Do I think the film itself was successful? Mostly...I guess?

The film revolves around Linda (Rose Byrne), a therapist who lives in Montauk and is caring for her daughter who is suffering from some kind of illness that is never addressed, although it seems to be causing her to have an aversion to eating. She is trying her best at juggling the routine to care for her while her husband Charles (Christian Slater) is away on a two-month work trip that seemingly grants him a lot of free time. As therapists need to do, she attends her own therapy sessions with her supervisor (in a rather surprising though solid piece of casting, Conan O'Brien) but the tension between them is rather uncomfortable.

Things take another drastic turn when Linda has to take her daughter to stay at a motel when a massive leak floods their apartment leaving a gaping hole in the ceiling. The motel's superintendent is James, who in another interesting bit of casting is played by rapper A$AP Rocky and he takes something of a peculiar interest in Linda and how she seems to erratically navigate her life.

I am not going to spend as much time on this one, and I apologize if that seems like a bit of a copout. 

As a film, I do greatly admire the ambition of Mary Bronstein, who also acts in the film as Dr. Spring. I do think the film is worth checking out for Rose Byrne at the very least because she is doing some truly strong work here.

Considering the amount of stress and tension that Byrne's Linda is feeling, Bronstein does a great job of making you feel that claustrophobic environment. It's as if you are breaking out into a cold sweat at times as the film flirts with being something of a fever dream. 

I do think the film is also very successful at making you understand her frustrations as her young daughter, whose name we never learn, and we spend most of the film not even seeing her face, is rather insufferable. Truthfully, this film made me glad that I don't have children and I wouldn't be shocked if it makes others go "Yeah, I will pass on that".

Although, I will admit that saying that is a bit harsh and also sells the ideas of the film a little bit short. This following paragraph will contain a SPOILER so if you haven't seen it and don't want to know certain developments, please skip to the next paragraph. Rose Byrne has an amazing scene...which is redundant considering how strong she is throughout the whole film...but perhaps her best scene is when she confesses to her unnamed therapist (O'Brien as you may recall) that she had an abortion when she was younger, and she struggles with it not so much because of the grief specifically but rather the fact she questions if she perhaps aborted the wrong kid and therefore totally deems herself unworthy and unfit to be a mother. 

Considering the kind of career Rose Bryne has had, it feels earned and long overdue for her to have a film vehicle like this. She was so dynamic acting opposite Glenn Close on Damages and was also a great comedic villain of sorts in Bridesmaids. She can do comedy, and she can star in a production of Medea at BAM. In that regard, I want to see her get more weighty film roles like this because she is, in some ways, a very underrated actress.

As it stands, If I Had Legs I'd Kick You succeeds in achieving that uncomfortable goal and for giving Rose Byrne a showcase that is worthy of Oscar consideration...not to mention the creative use of Conan O'Brien and A$AP Rocky...and it is certainly worth checking out. I wouldn't say either of the two men are giving an Oscar nomination worthy performance but at the very least, they do well with the material they are given. I would actually argue that A$AP Rocky had a better ability of blending in with reality, whereas with O'Brien, it still felt so unusual to see him in this setting. 

If I Had Legs will be a bit of a strain if you aren't in the best of moods...and I do admit that if I had watched it on a different day, I likely would've had a harsher reaction to it.

IF I HAD LEGS, I'D KICK YOU

Rating: 7.5/10